Poetry

Life as a Bonsai (2021)

Have I grown into a bonsai?

Or was I already, always one?

Small and compact, 

trained and wired 

into a specified shape,

mature beyond my years...

These all describe me, sure,

but do I want to stay forever stunted 

or a mere miniature specimen?

I wish I can break out of my pot,

and branch up to the sky,

and burrow my roots deeper 

into fertile earth.

I don’t want to be pruned again,

circumscribed 

to within an inch of my life.

I may be the least voter 

in the arboreal electorate,

but I still want to compete,

and I still feel quite complete.

So fare thee well 

to my bonsai-status;

I must set forth towards freedom.

Better late than never.

Winter (2022)

My head is usually in the clouds 

But the clouds are falling tonight,

Falling as snowflakes in the wind.

I examine my old buoyant refuge

As the white earth melts at dawn.

I am torn between the sky and land.

Thoughts airily think and sink,

The gap between sight and insight narrows,

Nothing seems that scary anymore.

I am used to flying like a metal plane,

Covered by rust and remotely controlled.

Yet this prolonged winter has cracked me.

Now I have moulted a feather: but it is ruffled.

Blemishing my streamlined trajectory,

Etching out what seems at first is a scribble.

The trees together muffle the sunlight,

And for a second I perceive a special pattern;

Hey, it is the language of letting go.

Rolling (2023)

You entered my life like a new car.

I heard you before I saw you, 

your voice resonated like a purring engine.

When I saw you, everything shone: 

your blue eyes were windows reflecting a cloudless sky.

You were gracious, 

offering me an open passenger door.

Where do you want to go? 

When you asked me this the first time, 

I did not reply.

So, you powered up, and drove me into a forest.

The forest was as beautiful as a painting, 

full of bird calls and fragrant wind. 

You smiled at my joy, and I shyly smiled back.

The next time you asked me the same question, 

I had already fallen in love.

Anywhere with you, I replied without hesitation.

One day you gave me the keys to your life, 

and thus access to a magnificent machine.

A machine made for dreams and romance, 

as renewable as starlight.

As you patiently teach me to drive, 

we grow into a pair of parallel lines on an endless highway. 

Content to never leave each other's side.

Why love? (2024)

Why do I always choose to love now?

It’s because of what I feel when I don’t choose love. I feel empty, depressed, anxious, desperate, and restless.

On the other hand, I feel alive when I choose love. I feel strong, happy, interesting, relaxed, optimistic, assertive, active and glad.

Why else do I choose love?

Because years of singlehood has taught me a lesson about love.

Though becoming responsible for the welfare of another life, being committed and bonded, is hard work, this burden is like the weight of a baby in a mother’s stomach. It is full of potential, heavy with possibilities. It is a new force. Love makes me extend beyond myself, and I become fluent in compassion and am forced to experience the creation of unexpected memories for sharing.

In contrast to love’s burden, the lesson of loneliness is a sad load to carry. It is like a black hole, dreadfully powerful and destructive.

For I am a social being, and I need the companionship of others. And what I can never achieve with my will alone is the magical moment when a total stranger falls in love with me. That must happen naturally. It is so much rarer.

So, to recap, whenever I face the question of why I should keep loving, I do a little thought experiment, which I shall outlined below.

1. I think of what happens when I choose or not choose love. The advantages usually outweigh the disadvantages.

2. I reflect on how my personal experiences seem to promote the virtues of love.

3. And finally, I examine the burden, that is, the various conditions of love…which I do realistically, without too much regret. And then I rationalise.

4. I rationalise that anything of value is valuable because it isn’t easy to get. So, this burden is the special part of love that I must accept. It is in fact an honour to be invited to join the privacy of someone else’s world.

I have come full circle in my analysis of love.

And I will again choose love